if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
