Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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