I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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