I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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