i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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