Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
