Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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