There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
