The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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