Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
