how can u be prego again
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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