i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
