Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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