hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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