I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
