i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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