I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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