yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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