yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
