why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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