I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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