woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
