Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
