Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
