i think my mom watched the whole time
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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