This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
