Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize