I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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