I just made out with a guy for $7.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
