we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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