this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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