Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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