i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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