ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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