took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
