so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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