I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
