My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
