wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
