I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
