Sponge bath it is.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
