i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
