i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
