I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
