omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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