the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
