I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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