so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
