im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were trust falling into bushes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
