Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We left an ass print on the piano.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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