I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
