They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
