I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
