i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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