Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
