Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
