You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
