Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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