if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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