Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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