I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
