Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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