Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
