that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
