I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
