for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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