my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
