she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
